The Freebie of Child-Free. The Inner Tales of an Unfruitful Womb!

Why You're Miserable and She's Not! 

A simple truthful blog-post about the inner ramblings of a depressed women, who doesn't have children and really wants them-- YEAH RIGHT! Engage and tune in, whilst reading this insightful, mini-blog about a lady in her 30's, happy still, with an unfruitful womb.

At one point in time I thought I was a rare breed. Quite frankly so did my mother. I think she still does.

As a married, childfree woman in my 30s I’m constantly reminded that I’ve chosen an “alternative” or “unconventional” lifestyle. And before we go any further, let me just state for the record that I hate when people say that. I don’t live in yurt on the side of mountain, shunning modern technology and foraging my own food. I’ve simply chosen not to have children. I know, I know. Insert gasp here.

While we’re on the topic of things I detest as they relate my childfree status, I hate when people tell me I’ll change my mind. There are so many things wrong with that statement I just don’t know where to begin. Why does someone get to tell me how I will feel? To add insult to injury, they always say it with a knowing smile, as if I’m just deluding myself into thinking I’ll remain childfree and they can’t wait to say they told me so once I pop out a tot or two of my own.

I can tell you what I feel today. Today I feel fulfilled. While others may find that in having children, I’ve found that in my husband, my family, my friends, and my work –both of the gainful employment variety as well as volunteering. Having someone suggest they know how I will feel is insulting. As I have said many times, I have given more thought to not having children than most people do who have them. I assure you –I didn’t wake up one morning and hit the snooze button on my biological clock. I’ve spent years hearing that not-so-gentle alarm (that sounds suspiciously like my mother) and willing myself want kids; after all, time was running out.

And one day I realized I can’t make myself want something. I can’t make a square peg fit into a round hole. 

My life wasn’t missing anything … and kids are not an impulse a buy.

Before you ask, no, I don’t hate children. I’m not barren, I don’t have some horrible hereditary disease, and I don’t harbor a secret dream to own a cat sanctuary (okay, well maybe that last one is slight fib.) My husband and I decided some time ago that having kids wasn’t something that we needed out of our life. And if you don’t want children with your whole heart, why would why do that to them? Why would you do that to yourself?

My mother will occasionally tell me how pretty our little girl would be; curly red ringlets with eyelashes for miles. How my son could be named after my father and have my husband’s even temperament (because that would undoubtedly be better that mine, which is best described a bottle rocket.) Of course when that doesn’t work she’ll tell me I’m being selfish –how she waited her whole adult life to be grandmother and I’m depriving her of what all her friends have. Yeah, I still can’t work out how this makes me selfish either. Of all the things I expected to be called when we made the decision to be childfree, selfish wasn’t one of them.

Isn’t selfishness fundamentally about being unconcerned with the consequences of your actions?

 If living a lifestyle where my husband and I can comfortably take care of ourselves –where we can live in our own home, drive nice vehicles, enjoy vacations, and still save and plan for the future –then yes, you bet. Damn straight we’re selfish. While we may not share the same responsibilities as parents, we still have them. Just because we can go out to dinner on a Saturday night and not worry about finding a babysitter or fret that we’re spending little Johnny’s lunch money, doesn’t make us selfish. It makes us honest about who we are and what we want.

I would have never guessed that in 2017, with all the other things going on in the world –things of far greater importance than whether or not a woman has decided to procreate –would be such a hot topic or generate so much negative commentary. But the expectation persists. The judgements and assumptions are nothing short of an onslaught. 

Why everyone from my great aunt Beverly to people I meet at parties are so concerned about the empty state of my uterus, is beyond me. Why do people care? Why are they so invested in my parental status?

Perhaps you think I’m being dramatic, but think about it. When was the last time you heard someone say they don’t plan to have children and the conversation ends there? I’m going out on a limb and say never. 

You’re practically parading an injured lamb in front of a hungry lion. People will pounce at the opportunity tell you how you’ll change your mind or pepper you with questions, like, who will take care of your when you’re old; or inform you that you can’t possible know what true love is until you have children. When that gets tiring, they’ll assume you have tons of time, millions of expendable dollars, and sleep in every weekend. Every time you take a trip or buy something for yourself, you’re labelled as self-absorbed or materialistic. Basically, it’s a no-win situation.

But so what? What if all that is true? Does that make me any more prepared to care for a child now? Nope. Not even a little.

Almost all of my friends have kids. Of those that don’t, they’re either currently expecting a delivery from the stork or are trying desperately to flag that winged sucker down; and I’m the only person in my immediate circle of co-workers that’s child-free. So perhaps yes, I am in fact rare breed. Not necessarily unconventional, but maybe a little nontraditional. And that’s okay. 

I’m not looking to change the world. I’m just encouraging the child-bearing world to take a little breath … and get the hell out of my uterus.

Bio: Hello from the Pine Tree State of Maine, USA. I'm your average married, thirty-something woman fighting every inclination to become a stereotypical crazy cat lady. I've been navigating the childfree landscape for a few years now (much to my mother's dismay) and recently started offering my thoughts and insights on my Twitter page. -- @unfruitfulwomb. Follow me there!

So, there we have it . . . The Truth!


@ThatsCorey
thatscorey@blogspot.co.uk