Can I really win?
Yes, the presupposition is actually correct. Can you really win? How to play the game? The reason being, the only way you can defeat a narcissist is purely with that frame of mind. This is because that's all their egocentric personality process focuses upon; winning people over, draining people emotionally.
Have you ever met somebody who's dazzlingly charming yet over time begins to drain on your energy? Perhaps even bullies you, your finances? Have you ever met somebody who you feel is consistently lying to you? Have you ever been friends with somebody who literally entrenches their opinion on you and if you don't accept it, they get aggressive? Have you been around somebody who makes comments like "You don't love me anymore"; "That makes me sad"; "Whatever" when you set boundaries or start some form of dialogue which they dislike? They try and avoid their emotion and deflect it by making themselves the victim and pushing blame onto you.
This is because of their ego. It filters only concepts they feel works for them. You'd expect this from a child or a developing teenager; because of course, we have all been there and been that way.
The problem however, is the broken ideas and communications that are pushed onto us by parents, by friends, by exes and by the people around us. Especially, the authorities. The problem is, these Narcissists don't snap out of it!
Narcissists target the weak! And if you aren't weak, they will try and manipulate you intellectually. The reason why they are so good at their egocentric "force games" and the reason why they usually end up on top, is simply because they believe in their expectancy, their grandiose, their power so much that they focus on it obsessively in their mind which means when they communicate, it comes across so bluntly and passionately. They are the ultimate manipulators.
Now, in my last blog post, you may have read about Old-school Persuasion. And you may be wondering, why would somebody write a post about persuasion and then narcissism? Surely, isn't that exactly what they are doing? Isn't that bad?
Yes, they are doing that; and to some extent, using their instincts to use good communication but there is a fundamental difference between the two; the intention is the difference. With persuasion, you have an ethical, moral, maybe even spiritual process of "I want a win/win but I do deserve what I want". You don't want to drain somebody, you don't want to bully them, you don't want to take their finances and you definitely don't want to pathologically lie to them so you can get what you desire.
Narcissism in a nutshell is belief without compassion (along with lots of insecurity and egocentric behaviour). They're psychologically incapable of feeling empathy for the people they trick and lie too. There are some lower levels of narcissism, these people may be called energy vampires (in the manipulator section). But, they are still just as bad!
How can you beat the narcissist at their own game? First, you establish that is exactly what this is - a game. It's a game for them. It's in a reality. You have to realise, you're the person in reality and they're playing a game. That leads you to question one element, why do you even need to be around them at all? Nobody is forcing you too.
If you would like a quick and easy guide to clearing this type of person from your life, then the bullet points are listed below.
1. Avoid them
2. Set strong boundaries
3. Be assertive
Narcissists are less interested in people who seem emotionally aware, in which avoid them, set boundaries and are assertive. This is because they feel, almost threatened, but challenged and that means they can't get what they want. The way you deal with narcissists is treating them like a child. You avoid their tantrums, you set strong boundaries and are assertive.
The Context of Helping Someone Else
Have you ever met somebody who's dazzlingly charming yet over time begins to drain on your energy? Perhaps even bullies you, your finances? Have you ever met somebody who you feel is consistently lying to you? Have you ever been friends with somebody who literally entrenches their opinion on you and if you don't accept it, they get aggressive? Have you been around somebody who makes comments like "You don't love me anymore"; "That makes me sad"; "Whatever" when you set boundaries or start some form of dialogue which they dislike? They try and avoid their emotion and deflect it by making themselves the victim and pushing blame onto you.
This is because of their ego. It filters only concepts they feel works for them. You'd expect this from a child or a developing teenager; because of course, we have all been there and been that way.
The problem however, is the broken ideas and communications that are pushed onto us by parents, by friends, by exes and by the people around us. Especially, the authorities. The problem is, these Narcissists don't snap out of it!
Narcissists target the weak! And if you aren't weak, they will try and manipulate you intellectually. The reason why they are so good at their egocentric "force games" and the reason why they usually end up on top, is simply because they believe in their expectancy, their grandiose, their power so much that they focus on it obsessively in their mind which means when they communicate, it comes across so bluntly and passionately. They are the ultimate manipulators.
Now, in my last blog post, you may have read about Old-school Persuasion. And you may be wondering, why would somebody write a post about persuasion and then narcissism? Surely, isn't that exactly what they are doing? Isn't that bad?
Yes, they are doing that; and to some extent, using their instincts to use good communication but there is a fundamental difference between the two; the intention is the difference. With persuasion, you have an ethical, moral, maybe even spiritual process of "I want a win/win but I do deserve what I want". You don't want to drain somebody, you don't want to bully them, you don't want to take their finances and you definitely don't want to pathologically lie to them so you can get what you desire.
Narcissism in a nutshell is belief without compassion (along with lots of insecurity and egocentric behaviour). They're psychologically incapable of feeling empathy for the people they trick and lie too. There are some lower levels of narcissism, these people may be called energy vampires (in the manipulator section). But, they are still just as bad!
How can you beat the narcissist at their own game? First, you establish that is exactly what this is - a game. It's a game for them. It's in a reality. You have to realise, you're the person in reality and they're playing a game. That leads you to question one element, why do you even need to be around them at all? Nobody is forcing you too.
If you would like a quick and easy guide to clearing this type of person from your life, then the bullet points are listed below.
1. Avoid them
2. Set strong boundaries
3. Be assertive
Narcissists are less interested in people who seem emotionally aware, in which avoid them, set boundaries and are assertive. This is because they feel, almost threatened, but challenged and that means they can't get what they want. The way you deal with narcissists is treating them like a child. You avoid their tantrums, you set strong boundaries and are assertive.
However, there is an Art Form of working your magic in relation to playing the Game
The Context of Helping Someone Else
This absolute artform is by identifying their traits, noticing what they need and want. They will play the superficial game of giving back, if you can promote yourself into their lives in such a way that gets them what they want. And because of who they are, they can really get into other peoples heads, which can open doors for you.
You can use their narcissism to your advantage, making you the ultimate trickster. Giving them gifts, complimenting them, agreeing with them whilst keeping a mildly important distance can really benefit you.
On the other hand, you could set out to completely destroy their lives. Focus on the people they are draining, harming and use your Old-school Persuasion to build rapport with that person also; and embed suggestions and commands into that persons mind. Slowly, get that narcissist a reputation and help the victims become empowered.
This of course all depends on your moral compass, but if you feel like your friends, family or colleagues at work are being emotionally or financially drained, manipulated or bullied by somebody like this, you can play the game by filtering yourself into their lives and sorting it out covertly.
Step 1 - Call the problem out!
Tell your friend/loved one exactly what they are telling you, but exaggerated. And tell them, it's unacceptable for them to be continuing with the relationship.
Step 2 - Befriend the Narcissist!
Gather information, listen to them. Notice how they structure sentences, how they avoid problems; you can be talking to the other person and gathering the facts, whilst knowing the Narcissist is lying to you.
Perhaps you get some perspective, get some leverage on them. Seed suggestions into their minds, by trying to tell stories about times you were emphatic, understanding. Be as covert as you can be. You'll be charming too, smiling, touching their arm but setting the boundary of not getting too close. This would work perfectly at work.
Step 3 - Call them Narcissist!
Discuss with your friend how their behaviour is Narcissistic. And remember the Old-School Persuasion blog? USE hot-words! Of course, you don't want to label any person who's negative or any person who's trying to get what they want (because to some extend we all do) as one, but look at the specific characteristics and call them it to the victims!
Step 4 - Boundaries!
Teach the victims boundaries and set boundaries with the Narcissist. Slowly, as time goes on, people will realise they need to stay away; and when that Narcissist realises that people are avoiding them, they may have no clue (and if done correctly, they wont have any clue) it's to do with you and will probably leave the circle of friends, the job and so on. To continue their projects elsewhere!
What you must ensure you do, is not to get into a one-to-one with them about the problems they are facing; or they will rope you into double-standards. Set firm boundaries, avoid the talks and slowly, covertly and fundamentally end them.
Based on real events.
Twitter: @ThatsCorey
ThatsCorey.blogspot.co.uk
You can use their narcissism to your advantage, making you the ultimate trickster. Giving them gifts, complimenting them, agreeing with them whilst keeping a mildly important distance can really benefit you.
On the other hand, you could set out to completely destroy their lives. Focus on the people they are draining, harming and use your Old-school Persuasion to build rapport with that person also; and embed suggestions and commands into that persons mind. Slowly, get that narcissist a reputation and help the victims become empowered.
This of course all depends on your moral compass, but if you feel like your friends, family or colleagues at work are being emotionally or financially drained, manipulated or bullied by somebody like this, you can play the game by filtering yourself into their lives and sorting it out covertly.
Step 1 - Call the problem out!
Tell your friend/loved one exactly what they are telling you, but exaggerated. And tell them, it's unacceptable for them to be continuing with the relationship.
Step 2 - Befriend the Narcissist!
Gather information, listen to them. Notice how they structure sentences, how they avoid problems; you can be talking to the other person and gathering the facts, whilst knowing the Narcissist is lying to you.
Perhaps you get some perspective, get some leverage on them. Seed suggestions into their minds, by trying to tell stories about times you were emphatic, understanding. Be as covert as you can be. You'll be charming too, smiling, touching their arm but setting the boundary of not getting too close. This would work perfectly at work.
Step 3 - Call them Narcissist!
Discuss with your friend how their behaviour is Narcissistic. And remember the Old-School Persuasion blog? USE hot-words! Of course, you don't want to label any person who's negative or any person who's trying to get what they want (because to some extend we all do) as one, but look at the specific characteristics and call them it to the victims!
Step 4 - Boundaries!
Teach the victims boundaries and set boundaries with the Narcissist. Slowly, as time goes on, people will realise they need to stay away; and when that Narcissist realises that people are avoiding them, they may have no clue (and if done correctly, they wont have any clue) it's to do with you and will probably leave the circle of friends, the job and so on. To continue their projects elsewhere!
What you must ensure you do, is not to get into a one-to-one with them about the problems they are facing; or they will rope you into double-standards. Set firm boundaries, avoid the talks and slowly, covertly and fundamentally end them.
Based on real events.
Twitter: @ThatsCorey
ThatsCorey.blogspot.co.uk
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